#Vanilla ice cool as ice movie#
Inside Kat's house, wait, what, why, what? Why is this happening? STOP IT, MOVIE! So, the movie starts fast forwarding itself, I have no idea why, but it's strange and I don't like it. Ice calls her the boyfriend a Dick and Ice decides to return to his biker gang and it turns out he's stolen her address book. Ice tells her where she can find him and as he departs he leaves her with 'words of wisdom', " Drop that zero and get with the hero." I swear you can see Vanilla Ice laugh as he walks off. Ice flirts awkwardly with Kathy, who kinda sorta flirts back, he decides to start randomly calling her Kat, so she decides it's time to get off the porch before she has to call the police. Kathy decides to think about it, because a boyfriend who uses emotional blackmail to get you to stay with him is a great choice for a young woman. The girl, Kathy and her boyfriend argue about going to college as Kathy wants to go to a different college far away and skeezy boyfriend tells her that plenty of girls will be glad to hear if they break up. Ice sees the horse riding girl drive past the house in a white convertible and decides to get his stalker on. To be fair, you can say what you like about Vanilla Ice, but the guy is a pretty good dancer. So while the guys inside experience the weirdest house I've seen outside of a Tim Burton movie, Ice decides to practise his dance moves outside. Everyone knows you're supposed to butter the bread because peanut butter is too dry.
#Vanilla ice cool as ice manual#
The guys go into the house as the elderly husband and wife study a manual for the bike outside.ĭisgusting. I didn't realised having a map of the world on your roof lowered your house value that much. So four guys riding motorbikes are weird, but this house just fits in with the neighbourhood?Ī guy runs out of the house and says they're late, it seems he believes they are there to sell their bikes, he calls his wife out who tells him that Ice's bike is worth more than their house.
The camera drives past a load of people who stare with their mouths hanging open, till they arrive at a house which must be screencapped to be believed. One of the guys bike breaks down in the middle of the road, so instead of wheeling it to the side to let the traffic carry on, they all get off their bikes to take a look and argue about who will give lifts. The guys ride into a town which exists in a universe where Edward Scissorhands' tree trimming business really took off. I'm screencapping so much because I'm afraid you won't believe me otherwise. While his friends laugh at him, the girl rides off and Ice declares that she now likes him. Ice comes to see if she's ok, so she hits him and Ice tells her she hits like a girl. Ice, somehow, as there is no ramp, jumps over the fence on his bike and of course, the horse scares and the stunt woman jumps off the horse. She's also not wearing a helmet which means when the horse throws her after being scared by the motorcycle, she can enjoy a long, long, recuperation at the Shady Hills cemetery. Ice sees a lady riding a horsey and decides that the best way to attract her is ride his loud, custom motorcycle right beside her. Goddamn it, nineties, even your motorbikes were trying too hard. Ice gets on his motorbike and is joined by three friends as they take to the open road, implying from a montage that they drive through the night and break several basic bike safety rules. Vanilla Ice, you have got to be shitting me with this hair cut.Īt about the five minute mark the music video starts to wind down and we see a blonde lady writing down her phone number for Ice, I guess orange hoodies were what you wore to attract the ladies in the nineties. I've seen from the title sequence that Michael Gross is in this movie, I'm a big fan of the tremors movies so I'm kinda hoping a Graboid is going to turn up somewhere. I know I should be hanging my head in shame at this, but it is entertaining in a very strange way.
The opening sequence is meant to be some sort of dance club, but it's a typical early nineties music video with Naomi Campbell "singing" and Vanilla Ice rapping and dancing. Also, just in case you weren't sure who the star of the movie was. We open on what I'm guessing they thought would be a big music video for the movie, featuring Naomi Campbell, who'll turn up to the opening of an envelope if you pay her enough. So, confession time, I actually want to see this movie, I'm something of a closet Vanilla Ice fan and I have wanted to see this movie for some time, so of course I've got to review it.
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